materiajunkie:

"Curing AIDS? Shit, that’s like Cadillac making a car that lasts for 50 years. And you know they can do it, but they ain’t going to do nothing that fucking dumb. Shit, they got metal on the Space Shuttle that can go around the Moon and withstand  temperatures of up to 20,000 degrees, you mean to tell me you don’t think they can make an El Dorado with a fuckin’ bumper that don’t fall off?"

- Chris Rock (“Bigger and Blacker”, 1999)

  • 1 day ago
  • 117344

bitchologist:

beth-is-god:

bellisadinosaur:

siawrites:

castletor:

whynotshesaid:

lipsticklyf:

this was MY LIFE.

MY LIFE

MY LIFE

YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW MANY WORDS I’VE FUCKED UP 

I love running into other people who mispronounce big words because I know I’ve found a fellow autodidact.

THIS

don’t ask me about the first time I said the word omnipotent. Just don’t ask. 

Mine was eunuch.  

subtle

macabre

colonel

those are the ones off the top of my head, but there are more…

Waft, Hermione so many more

Piety.

(Source: gruntledandhinged)

  • 1 day ago
  • 248662
xelamanrique:

this was my favorite part of the anaconda video.

xelamanrique:

this was my favorite part of the anaconda video.

  • 2 days ago
  • 47832

phleps:

theirye’re* 

  • 2 days ago
  • 608320

(Source: weheartit.com)

  • 3 days ago
  • 580771
  • 3 days ago
  • 2413

blood-blondie:

how that scene should have gone

  • 3 days ago
  • 1790

stillalivedongscience:

fuchsiamae:

Portal 2 Co-Op Mission

She could feel it

Currents reawakening, spreading new tendrils into old channels where she’d never been, her senses extending to fill these new expanses of space. It was different from the rest of the building, of course — a dull pins-and-needles feeling, compared to the sharp clarity with which she sensed the rest of her domain — but it was unmistakably there. Like waking a limb from sleep, except she’d never felt this limb before.

She felt bigger. More whole. 

The old technology in these sections would never be the fine-tuned machinery built for her control, not without a whole lot of modifications, but the basics were hooked up to the power grid, and now they were hers. Lights, life support, security — all hummed and flickered for the first time in decades as she brought them to life. Ancient computers booted up at her request. Dust clouded her hundreds of new eyes, but that could be fixed, she mused as she swiveled a camera. It could all be fixed. A couple of tireless robots and some cleaning supplies could make this place gleam.

She imagined it as it must once have been, all plush red carpets and polished mahogany, and felt a warm thrill through her new circuits. So much science had been done here. So much more to do. 

She could scarcely imagine the secrets that lay buried in the dusty files of Aperture’s past — but she was going to find them out. 

I’m dizzy because exactly this is my biggest portal weakness besides wheatley

(Source: bluewheatfields)

  • 4 days ago
  • 132

ringostarring:

ok, new theory. maybe we should play so quietly, no one can hear us

image

well maybe we would sound so bad if some people didn’t try to play with big meaty claws

image

what did you say, punk?

image

bIG

image

MEATY

image

CLAWS

image

WELL THESE CLAWS AIN’T JUST FOR ATTRACTING MATES

image

BRING IT ON OLD MAN, BRING IT ON

image

no people let’s be smart and bring it OFF

image

OH SO NOW THE TALKING CHEESE IS GONNA PREACH TO US

image

(Source: elderlyprice)

  • 4 days ago
  • 462504

me and bae having sex

bae: mmm yeah fuck me baby
me: put a quarter in the swear jar
  • 4 days ago
  • 99272
  • 6 days ago
  • 198054

(Source: ubroa)

  • 6 days ago
  • 8736

serving size: 4

yeah

all 4 me

(Source: jesusthelastairbender)

  • 1 week ago
  • 467974

drakeshairline:

tequilaandtiramisu:

A moment of silent for all those in retail this holiday season.

this cartoon works at target clearly

(Source: jarethgonzalez)

  • 1 week ago
  • 198144